deep, random, humourous thoughts from the mind of the fish

Posts tagged “brett andy

glass

picture by timothy van de venter

‘People who live in glass houses, shouldn’t.’ [Brett Andy]


more

pic by timothy van de venter

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘Do you think if minutes were edible, they’d taste good enough
that we’d want to go back for seconds?’
[Brett Andy]


fairplay

andy1

 

 

 

 

 

‘Bob suspected that someone at his Zebra birthday party was not playing by the rules. Suddenly his worst suspicions were confirmed as he caught sight of a cheetah.’

[Brett Andy]


eyes

???

 

 

 

 

 

I would suggest that if you saw something in the sky and thought it was a bird and then later changed your mind into thinking it was a plane, but then found out it was actually a flying man, that a visit to the optometrist would not be the worst use of your time.’ [Brett Andy]

 

 

 


criticism

pic by alice van wyk

 

 

 

 

‘Before you criticise someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Then, walk half a mile in their shirt, followed by another full mile, this time in their pants. Walk two more miles in their underwear and then criticise them all you want.

Also, they’re naked.’

[Brett Andy]

 


envy

sunsetandy

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I wish I had the balls to do that, I thought, as I enviously watched the juggler.”

[Brett Andy]


grammar

“I HAVE LEARNT IN LIFE THAT YOU SHOULD NEVER MAKE FUN OF SOMEONE ELSE’S GRAMMAR…

BECAUSE SHE MIGHT TURN OUT TO BE A REALLY SCARY LADY AND COME AND BEAT YOU DOWN WITH HER STICK.”

[BRETT ANDY]

 

 


genie

‘I THINK IF I WAS GRANTED THREE WISHES, I’D BE ALL LIKE, “WAIT A MINUTE,  FIRSTLY, WHO ARE YOU? AND WHAT WAS I DOING CLEANING THIS LAMP?”‘

[BRETT ANDY] 


average

“IF ANYONE OUT THERE THINKS I AM JUST AVERAGE AT CRASTINATING, YOU WOULD BE DEAD WRONG.

I AM A PRO CRASTINATOR!”

[BRETT ANDY]

 


follow

“I WAS WALKING DOWN A DARK ALLEY THE OTHER DAY UPDATING MY TWITTER WHEN I NOTICED SOMEONE HAD JUST STARTED FOLLOWING ME.”

[BRETT ANDY]

 

 


commitment

“I JOINED AN ANTI-CONFORMITY GROUP, THEN IMMEDIATELY LEFT, TO PROVE TO THEM I BELONGED.”

[BRETT ANDY]


band

“DON’T JUDGE A BAND BY ITS COVER.”

[BRETT ANDY]


dream?

“I ONCE DREAMED THAT I WAS ASLEEP, BUT WHEN I WOKE UP,  I WASN’T!”

[BRETT ANDY]


bridge

“LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATERS, I WILL HOPEFULLY HAVE SUFFICIENT STRUCTURAL SUPPORT TO NOT CRUMBLE HELPLESSLY AND BE WASHED DOWNSTREAM.”

[BRETT ANDY]


beetroot

“I HAVE A PURPLE STAIN ON MY SLEEVE FROM CHOPPING VEGETABLES THE OTHER DAY. PEOPLE HAVE BEEN A LITTLE FREAKED OUT BY MY MARK OF THE BEETS.”

[BRETT ANDY]

 

 


homer

“I SWUNG WITH ALL MY MIGHT AND TO MY GREAT SURPRISE I HIT A HOMER! “DOH!” HE GROANED, AS HE CRUMPLED TO THE GROUND.”

[BRETT ANDY]


tack

“DO YOU KNOW WHAT MAKES ME LAUGH? A TAXIDERMIST FILLING OUT TAX FORMS IN A TAXI. GET YOURSELF AN ACCOUNTANT, MAN!”

[BRETT ANDY]


mole

“I REALISED I’D BEEN MAKING A MOUNTAIN OUT OF A MOLEHILL. THE MOLE FAMILY, IN PARTICULAR, WAS NOT AMUSED.”

[BRETT ANDY]


awkward

“KING MIDAS REACHED FOR THE TOILET PAPER AND THEN PAUSED, SUDDENLY REALISING THE PREDICAMENT HE WAS IN.”

[BRETT ANDY]


picture

“CAN YOU PICTURE A WORLD WHERE LIONS AND TIGERS WEAR CROCS? OH MY!”

[BRETT ANDY]


dancing

“I THINK A FUN JOB TO DO WOULD BE TO BECOME A BALLOT DANCER, COS WHEN I COME TO COLLECT YOUR VOTE YOU KNOW I’M GOING TO BE THROWING IN A PIROUETTE RIGHT THERE.”

[BRETT ANDY]


polo

“I WAS ASKED TO STOP SHOUTING “MARCO!” COS IT WAS STARTING TO SPOOK THE HORSES.”

[BRETT ANDY]

 


mime

“WHEN I WAS A KID I WANTED TO GROW UP TO BE A MIME ARTIST. BUT I HAD TO GIVE IT UP, BECAUSE I JUST STRUGGLED SO MUCH TO PAINT THOSE INVISIBLE ROPES AND BOXES.”

[BRETT ANDY]


poverty

“THIS ‘WAR ON POVERTY’ IDEA SEEMS A LITTLE UNFAIR AS THE POOR DON’T REALLY HAVE GOOD ACCESS  TO DECENT WEAPON TECHNOLOGY.”

[BRETT ANDY]